The Cutting Room

The Cutting Room

G.I. Joe

Friday, September 11, 2009

I have mixed feelings about my childhood being strip-mined for today’s godless youth. Rebranded and, dare I say, Poochied, by the likes of Bay and Sommers.
On the one hand it feels dirty, sullied like when you see your ex girlfriend with some new douchebag, some short, pudgy, fugly little bastard with K-Mart boxers sneaking out of circa ‘96 sagged pants and a trucker hat concealing his receding hairline. He’s got grime under the scraggly nails he has all over her, he needs badly to learn the value of moisturizer and he wears vests and the whole thing makes you sad for so many reasons.
On the other hand, she snaps you off in the parking lot for old times’ sake.
Maybe that metaphor went off the rails a bit.
Anyway, the point is: 80’s toys turned toons turned blockbusters has been a mixed bag to say the least, but, as today’s comic will verify, I thought GI Joe was fun. Though it would have surely benefited from some blue and red lasers, a little more speaking in rhyme and if Joseph Gordon-Levit had at some point uttered the words “Unsubstantiated fantasy!” that would have pleased me.
But I had a good time; I would most certainly spend a sexy weekend of sexual sex with Sienna Miller given the chance (yes, I would call her “Baroness” at appropriate times) and despite the fact that he had a mouth on his mask for reasons passing understanding Snake Eyes was badass, so good enough for me.
However, I have to assume that the Gummi Bears movie due out next year starring Bob Hoskins and Wilford Brimley will blow this thing out of the arctic, cobra infested water.
As a programming note things are constantly evolving here on the 37th floor of the cutting room towers as we try to figure out, you know, what the hell we’re doing, and we have decided now to update this bish twice a week. That’s double the hilarity! We’re dropping this one on a Friday and hope to roll a new one out on Tuesdays and Thursdays hereafter. That those are the off days of the most awesomest comic on the web should be seen entirely as a coincidence. Or not.
Of course it’s now also twice as likely that we’ll miss a day but I promise I’ll always apologize when I do.
Get a beverage of your choice and succumb to the ravings of a megalomaniac. It’s a good thing.
E